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The Sunnah

Responsibilities of parents

Narrated Abdullah bin 'Umar (RA): That he heard Allah's Apostle (SAW) saying, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charge; the ruler is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian in his family and responsible for his charges; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and responsible for her charges; and the servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for his charge." I definitely heard the above from the Prophet and think that the Prophet also said, "A man is a guardian of his father's property and responsible for his charges; so everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges." – (Bukhari - Book 3, Volume 46, Hadith 733) 

Showing love and mercy to children: 

Abu Hurayrah (RA) reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) kissed al-Hasan Bin ‘Ali (RA) in the presence of al-Aqra’ Bin Habis at-Tamimi. Al-Aqra’ commented, “Indeed, I have ten children and have never kissed any of them.” Allah’s Messenger (SAW) looked at him and said: “He who does not show mercy, no mercy will be shown to him (by Allah)”. – (Bukhari and Muslim) 

A’ishah (RA) reported that some Bedouins who visited Allah’s Messenger (SAW) asked his companions, “Do you kiss your children?” The companions replied, “Yes!” The Bedouins said “By Allah, we never kiss them.” So the prophet (SAW) said: “What can I do for you if Allah has removed mercy from your hearts?” – (Bukhari, Muslim & others)

Abu Hurayrah (RA) reported: “Indeed, Allah’s Messenger (SAW) used to stick his tongue out for al-Hasan Bin ‘Ali (RA). When the baby saw the redness of the Prophet’s (SAW) tongue, he rushed to him.” - Recorded by Abu ash-Shaykh in Akhlaq un-Nabi and al-Baghawi - (Sharh us-Sunnah)

Jabir b. Samura reported: “I prayed along with Allah's Messenger (SAW) the first prayer. He then went to his family and I also went along with him when he met some children (on the way). He began to pat the cheeks of each one of them. He also patted my cheek and I experienced a coolness or a fragrance of his hand as if it had been brought out from the scent bag of a perfumer”. – (Muslim – Book 30, Hadith 5758)

Spending on your children/family:

Narrated by Aisha (RA): “Hind bint 'Utba (Abu Sufyan's wife) came and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Abu Sufyan is a miser. Is there any harm if I spend something from his property for our children?" He (SAW) said, there is no harm for you if you feed them from it justly and reasonably (with no extravagance)." – (Bukhari - Book 3, Volume 43, Hadith 640) 

Narrated Abu Mas'ud Al-Ansari: ‘The Prophet (SAW) said, "When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah's reward it is regarded as Sadaqa for him."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 263)

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (RA): ‘Allah's Apostle (SAW) said, "Allah said, 'O son of Adam! Spend, and I shall spend on you."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 264)

Narrated Sad (RA): ‘The Prophet (SAW) visited me at Mecca while I was ill. I said (to him), "I have property; May I bequeath all my property in Allah's Cause?" He said, "No." I said, "Half of it?" He said, "No." I said, "One third of it?" He said, "One-third (is alright), yet it is still too much, for you'd better leave your inheritors wealthy than leave them poor, begging of others. Whatever you spend will be considered a Sadaqa for you, even the mouthful of food you put in the mouth of your wife. Anyhow Allah may let you recover, so that some people may benefit by you and others be harmed by you."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 266)

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (RA): ‘Allah's Apostle (SAW) said, "The best alms is that which you give when you are rich, and you should start first to support your dependants."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 269)

Abu Huraira (RA) reported Allah's Messenger (SAW) as saying: “Of the dinar you spend as a contribution in Allah's path, or to set free a slave, or as a sadaqa given to a needy, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spent on your family.” – (Muslim - Book 5, Hadith 2181)

Teaching your children and setting a good example:

Narrated by Aisha (RA): “With the start of the last ten days of Ramadan, the Prophet used to tighten his waist belt (i.e. work hard) and used to pray all the night, and used to keep his family awake for the prayers" – (Bukhari - Book 3, Volume 32, Hadith 241)

Narrated Mu'adh al-Juhani: ‘The Prophet (SAW) said: “If anyone recites the Qur'an and acts according to its contents, on the Day of Judgment his parents will be given to wear a crown whose light is better than the light of the sun in the dwellings of this world if it were among you. So what do you think of him who acts according to his.”’ – (Abu Dawud - Book 8, Hadith 1448)-

Aqiqa:

“Yahya related to me from Malik from Hisham ibn Urwa that his father, Urwa ibn az-Zubayr made an aqiqa for his male and female children of a sheep each.

Malik said, "What we do about the aqiqa is that if someone makes an aqiqa for his children, he gives a sheep for both male and female. The aqiqa is not obligatory but it is desirable to do it, and people continue to come to us about it. If someone makes an aqiqa for his children, the same rules apply as with all sacrificial animals - one-eyed, emaciated, injured, or sick animals must not be used, and neither the meat or the skin is to be sold. The bones are broken and the family eat the meat and give some of it away as sadaqa. The child is not smeared with any of the blood.'' – (Malik - Book 26, Hadith 26.2.7)

Responsibilities of children

Respect for parents:

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar (RA):

“I heard Allah's Apostle (SAW) saying, "Three men from among those who were before you, set out together till they reached a cave at night and entered it. A big rock rolled down the mountain and closed the mouth of the cave. They said (to each other), Nothing could save you Tom this rock but to invoke Allah by giving referenda to the righteous deed which you have done (for Allah's sake only).' So, one of them said, 'O Allah! I had old parents and I never provided my family (wife, children etc.) with milk before them. One day, by chance I was delayed, and I came late (at night) while they had slept. I milked the sheep for them and took the milk to them, but I found them sleeping. I disliked to provide my family with the milk before them. I waited for them and the bowl of milk was in my hand and I kept on waiting for them to get up till the day dawned. Then they got up and drank the milk. O Allah! If I did that for Your Sake only, please relieve us from our critical situation caused by this rock.' So, the rock shifted a little but they could not get out."

The Prophet added, "The second man said, 'O Allah! I had a cousin who was the dearest of all people to me and I wanted to have sexual relations with her but she refused. Later she had a hard time in a famine year and she came to me and I gave her one-hundred-and-twenty Dinars on the condition that she would not resist my desire, and she agreed. When I was about to fulfill my desire, she said: It is illegal for you to outrage my chastity except by legitimate marriage. So, I thought it a sin to have sexual intercourse with her and left her though she was the dearest of all the people to me, and also I left the gold I had given her. O Allah! If I did that for Your Sake only, please relieve us from the present calamity.' So, the rock shifted a little more but still they could not get out from there."

The Prophet added, "Then the third man said, 'O Allah! I employed few labourers and I paid them their wages with the exception of one man who did not take his wages and went away. I invested his wages and I got much property thereby. (Then after some time) he came and said to me: O Allah's slave! Pay me my wages. I said to him: All the camels, cows, sheep and slaves you see, are yours. He said: O Allah's slave! Don't mock at me. I said: I am not mocking at you. So, he took all the herd and drove them away and left nothing. O Allah! If I did that for Your Sake only, please relieve us from the present suffering.' So, that rock shifted completely and they got out walking.” – (Bukhari - Book 3, Volume 36, Hadith 472)

Importance of the mother:

The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother” - (Ahmad and Nasai).

“A man came to the Prophet (SAW) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?' The Prophet said: Then your father.” - (Bukhari - Book 8, Volume 73, Hadith 2 and Muslim)

It is narrated by Asma bint Abu Bakr (RA) that during the treaty of Hudaibiyah, her mother, who was then a pagan, came to see her from Makkah. Asma informed the Messenger of Allah (SAW) of her arrival and also that she needed help. He said: “Be good to your mother.” - (Bukhari and Muslim)

Abu 'Isa Al-Mughirah bin Shu`bah (RA) reported: “The Prophet (SAW) said, ‘Allah has forbidden you: disobedience to your mothers, to withhold (what you should give), or demand (what you do not deserve), and to bury your daughters alive. And Allah dislikes idle talk, to ask too many questions (for things which will be of no benefit to one), and to waste your wealth’". - (Bukhari and Muslim)

Narrated Abu Huraira: ‘The Prophet (SAW) said, "The one who looks after a widow or a poor person is like a Mujahid (warrior) who fights for Allah's Cause, or like him who performs prayers all the night and fasts all the day."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 265)

Following their wishes:

Narrated Abu Usayd Malik ibn Rabi'ah as-Sa'idi: ‘While we were with the Apostle of Allah! (SAW) a man of Banu Salmah came to Him and said: Apostle of Allah is there any kindness left that I can do to my parents after their death? He replied: “Yes, you can invoke blessings on them, forgiveness for them, carry out their final instructions after their death, join ties of relationship which are dependent on them, and honour their friends”. – (Abu Dawud – Book 41, Hadith 5123)

The rights of parents

Importance of obeying parents:

Abu Usaid Saidi said: “We were once sitting with Rasulullah (SAW) when a man from the tribe of Salmah came and said to him: ‘O Messenger of Allah! Do my parents have rights over me even after they have died?’ And Rasulullah (SAW) said: ‘Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfil the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends’” - (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).

Abdullah ibn Amr related that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: “The major sins are to believe that Allah has partners, to disobey one's parents, to commit murder, and to bear false witness” - (Bukhari – Book 3, Volume 38, Hadith 821 and Muslim).

Abu Bakrah Nufai` bin Al-Harith (RA) reported: “Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, ‘Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?' Messenger of Allah asked this question thrice. We said, ‘Yes, O Messenger of Allah (Please inform us)’. He said, ‘Ascribing partners to Allah, and to be undutiful to your parents’. Messenger of Allah (SAW) sat up from his reclining position and said, ‘And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony; I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony’. Messenger of Allah (SAW) kept on repeating that warning till we wished he would stop.”
- (Bukhari – Book 3, Volume48, Hadith 822 and Muslim)

Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`as (RA) reported: “The Prophet (SAW) said, ‘(Of the) major sins are: to ascribe partners to Allah, disobey parents, murder someone, and to take a false oath (intentionally)’”.
- (Bukhari – Book 9, Volume 83, Hadith 9)

Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`as (RA) reported: “Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, ‘It is one of the gravest sins to abuse one's parents.' It was asked (by the people): ‘O Messenger of Allah, can a man abuse his own parents?' Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, ‘He abuses the father of somebody who, in return, abuses the former's father; he then abuses the mother of somebody who, in return, abuses his mother’".
- (Bukhari - Book 8, Volume 73, Hadith 4 and Muslim)

Narrated Abdullah: ‘I asked the Prophet (SAW) "Which deed is the dearest to Allah?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents" I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, 'To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet would have told me more."’ – (Bukhari - Book 1, Volume 10, Hadith 505)

Importance of family

Maintaining ties of kinship:

Abu Muhammad Jubair bin Mut`im (RA) reported: “Messenger of Allah (SAW) said, ‘The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Jannah’". - (Bukhari and Muslim)

The duties of a husband

Providing for his family:

Narrated Al-Aswad bin Yazid (RA): ‘I asked 'Aisha (RA), "What did the Prophet (SAW) use to do at home?" She said, "He used to work for his family, and when he heard the Adhan (call for the prayer), he would go out."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 276)

The duties of a wife

Looking after her husband’s property:

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (RA): ‘Allah's Apostle (SAW) said, "The best women among the camel riders are the women of Quraish." (Another narrator said) The Prophet (SAW) said, "The righteous among the women of Quraish are those who are kind to their young ones and who look after their husband's property."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 278)

Serving her husband:

Narrated Ali (RA): ‘Fatima (RA) went to the Prophet (SAW) complaining about the bad effect of the stone hand-mill on her hand. She heard that the Prophet (SAW) had received a few slave girls. But (when she came there) she did not find him, so she mentioned her problem to 'Aisha (RA). When the Prophet (SAW) came, 'Aisha informed him about that. 'Ali added, "So the Prophet came to us when we had gone to bed. We wanted to get up (on his arrival) but he said, 'Stay where you are." Then he came and sat between me and her and I felt the coldness of his feet on my abdomen. He said, "Shall I direct you to something better than what you have requested? When you go to bed say 'Subhan Allah' thirty-three times, 'Alhamdulillah' thirty three times, and Allahu Akbar' thirty four times, for that is better for you than a servant."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 274)

Other husband/wife issues

Narrated Abu Hurayrah (RA): ‘The Prophet (SAW) said, "If the wife gives of her husband's property (something in charity) without his permission, he will get half the reward."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 273)

Narrated Um Salama (RA): ‘I said, "O Allah's Apostle (SAW)! Shall I get a reward (in the Hereafter) if I spend on the children of Abu Salama and do not leave them like this and like this (i.e., poor) but treat them like my children?" The Prophet (SAW) said, "Yes, you will be rewarded for that which you will spend on them."’ – (Bukhari - Book 7, Volume 64, Hadith 282)